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Here’s a little magic trick. Take a look at your Facebook friends list, then take a look at the personality types below. Now, divvy them up into categories. Amazing, isn’t it? Whether you have 100 friends or 1000, each one has their own freaky niche. Do you fall in to any of these categories? Are there any that we’ve missed?

Here’s a little magic trick. Take a look at your Facebook friends list, then take a look at the personality types below. Now, divvy them up into categories. Amazing, isn’t it? Whether you have 100 friends or 1000, each one has their own freaky niche. Do you fall in to any of these categories? Are there any that we’ve missed?

The Mommy

The Mommy is either pregnant, or recently gave birth. Their photo album consists of belly shots (with or without heart fingers), post-birth scenes, babies on rugs and messy mouth close-ups. On their wall, you’ll find baby pool stats, heavy Facebook gaming, Pampered Chef invites, child updates and endless references to grandparents, laundry and sleep (or lack thereof).

Friends: Other Mommies
Typical Post: “Little Jennie hasn’t made a poop in 3 hours! Must be the organic pear puree I made this morning.

The Creeper

The Creeper either has tight security settings or no profile at all. They spend their time stalking old classmates, ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, current ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, coworkers, celebrities and people they sat next to on the bus. They’re probably stalking you, too. As time goes on, the Creeper is unable to distinguish between the people they’ve stalked online and the people they’ve actually met in real life.

Friends: none
Typical Post: none

The Crazy Pet Lady

The Crazy Pet Lady (or Man, but usually Lady) sets up a Facebook profile for their pet. The profile has a large photo gallery, links to cuteoverload.com and more status updates than the Crazy Pet Lady herself. They hold lengthy wall-to-wall conversations with their pet and become defensive when humans deny Mr. Nibbles’ friend request.

Friends: Family members and other animals
Typical Post: “Max Nibbles is throwing a party tonight! BYO carrots!

 

The TMI

The TMI says they have a job, but it’s hard to believe them because they update their Facebook status with useless information every 3.79 seconds. They adore posting about breathing, headaches, eating habits and bathroom cleanser. If you dumbly comment on their post, they will comment 3.79 seconds later.

Friends: Other TMI’s
Typical Post:
3:54 PM: “Just put the chicken tetrazinni in the oven! Now it’s time for a shower and an episode of Friends! TOW the Monkey my fav!
3.59 PM:“Just checked the TV and it’s actually TOW the Red Sweater! Oh well! Only 55 minutes until dinner’s done YUM!

The Ray of Sunshine

The Ray of Sunshine posts inspirational quotes and other “lemons into lemonade” type updates. If you mention you have the flu, they’ll write you a poem about kittens playing with yarn. They obsessively re-post quotes and if you don’t play along, they’ll manually post it on your wall. In real life, they’re only half as perky as they are on Facebook.

Friends: Many, but they’ve blocked Sunshine’s status updates from appearing in their Newsfeed
Typical Post: "There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So, love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of LIFE…Getting back up is LIVING"

The Whiner

Because The Whiner’s day has already been ruined, they’re going to ruin yours too. They use CapsLock and exclamation points to spread such joy as headaches, toe-stubbings, stained shirts and interruptions in their cable. They will never post on your wall, but they expect you to always post on theirs.

Friends: Many, but everyone hates them.
Typical Post: “Arrrrgh such a headache and SOOO much work to do! Sooo exhausted! Is it Friday yet?

 

The Cryptic

The Cryptic has an intense need to feel loved. By posting vague information, The Cryptic entices other users to probe into their well-being. They tend to end their sentences with ellipses and write so generally that their post could either refer to a new sweater or the end of the world.

Friends: Many, because people love digging for other people’s dirt
Typical Posts: “OMG” or “Why do you make me feel this way?

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